He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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