we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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