it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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