If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
