Porn is love you can see.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
