And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You took a bar mat shot.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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