The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
