all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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