you would pick up someone in the library
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
