is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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