Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
