You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
