Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
