i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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