He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
