It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
