im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
