Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
