I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
