She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
