Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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