Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
