@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
