I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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