I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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