Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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