Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's blow job season.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
