you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just tell him i said nine months
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
