Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
