its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize