I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
