I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
