i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
