FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
