he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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