there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
