Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
