I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
