I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
