Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
