While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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