rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize