I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
