He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i think my cat just said my name.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
