Betty ford says i'm here all night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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