Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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