let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
