Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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