we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
