Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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