Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
