he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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