I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
