how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize