he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
