I'm eating all of the evidence.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
