i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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