Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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