That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
