Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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