I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
