Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
