just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
