my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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