he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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