It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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