On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
