Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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