My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
