but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
