I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
