i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize