I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
