I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
