oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
