I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
