Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
