i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
